The Single Mom Chronicles
I'm not having the best of days today. I'm actually trying my hardest to keep it together and not to cry. I'm not like this everyday, but today is I guess the exception. I'm anxious, I'm worried, I'm upset, I'm all sorts of negative emotions. I'm a single parent and no one can ever tell you that this job is easy. It's far from it. This is the hardest, most emotional and demanding job that I have ever had.
I'm raising a boy and a girl. They are 2 1/2 years apart. They are good kids, but somedays I'm like "if you don't leave me alone!". They are growing really fast right now and it's coming at a time now where I'm really struggling to keep up. I have child support from their father. I'm very fortunate in that aspect because I know a lot of mothers in my position don't have that at all. I may have the financial support, but I don't have the physical or the emotional support. So 24/7 I have to be on call because well, that's what a mother does.
Money is a big problem. Money isn't kind to me these days. Right now I have to live on less than $1500 a month for 3 people. Most would say that's not bad right? Well when you factor in the cost of rent which is $750...and you're left with roughly almost $700 to make ends meet for an entire month...it makes a big difference. I no longer have child care, so I'm not able to go out and work full time or even part time. I have a car that is ready to go out any moment now. It's 20 years old and yeah it's literally running on it's last legs. I homeschool both of the kids because the school system where we live isn't the best. (It's actually one of the worst in the state.) So most of our days (to save money) are spent at home.
I bet you're wondering why am I complaining? You have it better than most women right now! You get to stay home with your kids, you don't have to worry about how to pay bills, you are living the dream ! Right?! Yeah I bet you're thinking that I'm so ungrateful and that I need to just be quiet and be thankful for the blessings. I should be, I should be thankful. I should be actually bragging that I don't have to work for a living. Unfortunately, that's not the case here... I WANT TO WORK!
Sitting at home was never in the cards for me. I wasn't even thinking of that as being a possibility. Life for me was supposed to be a lot different. I was supposed to be a tv or radio producer. I was also supposed to have my own photo studio. I was supposed to double major in broadcasting/photography to make these things happen. I was supposed to get married and have 2 kids and live in a nice house or condo. I was supposed to drive an SUV and have the ultimate dream. <----THIS IS WHAT MY LIFE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE!!!!
Instead, life didn't go that way. Yes I went to college, but thanks to some goofing off, I lost my grant money and ended up dropping out my sophomore year. I never went back to that school. I went to work full time and thought okay, I'll work and then go to school later. That never happened. Doing just work wasn't cutting it for me. I wanted to date. So during this time I started experimenting with online dating. I met a few nice guys and dated a few of them on a serious level. When those relationships didn't work out, I went back to the online scene. I met a guy whom I wasn't too interested in, but he was definitely interested in me. In fact after we talked on the phone just one time, he kept calling and texting me...EVERYDAY. No he wasn't stalking me or anything. He would call, or text and I might answer, I might not. This went on for 6 months. He lived in another state, so I wasn't too worried about him and wasn't concerned if anything would ever happen.
One night I was upset. I had been told by a guy that I was into that he no longer wanted to be involved with me. I was a wreck because I truly liked and loved him. (Real talk I really did. ) So while I was feeling sorry for myself, my long distance guy (we'll call him Mike to protect his privacy) calls. I was lonely so I answered the phone. Mike asks me if I was going to be home that weekend. He was doing a training camp in the next state over but wanted to come and visit me during his off time. I said sure that wouldn't be a problem. I had just moved into a new apartment the weekend before, so it was okay. I started to feel a little bit better because yeah, I wanted to get over my ex (we'll call him Scott). So I started getting ready for when Mike would come and visit me.
Mike shows up to visit me and we hit it off great. We talk, we laugh and we pretty much have a great time. If you're wondering what else happened, yes we hooked up. It was actually pretty amazing for me at the time too because it was a great distraction on what was bothering me. In fact during that time I thought that I clearly misjudged him. We hit it off so well. We were calling and texting everyday it was great....or so I thought. That is until a month later when I realize that I'm late. I take a pregnancy test and realize that I am pregnant. I let Mike know what is going on...and his reaction...not what I expected....
He was HAPPY! He was actually counting down the days until he could be with me again. We were going to raise our family and live happily ever after. Everything was going to be fine.
I'm raising a boy and a girl. They are 2 1/2 years apart. They are good kids, but somedays I'm like "if you don't leave me alone!". They are growing really fast right now and it's coming at a time now where I'm really struggling to keep up. I have child support from their father. I'm very fortunate in that aspect because I know a lot of mothers in my position don't have that at all. I may have the financial support, but I don't have the physical or the emotional support. So 24/7 I have to be on call because well, that's what a mother does.
Money is a big problem. Money isn't kind to me these days. Right now I have to live on less than $1500 a month for 3 people. Most would say that's not bad right? Well when you factor in the cost of rent which is $750...and you're left with roughly almost $700 to make ends meet for an entire month...it makes a big difference. I no longer have child care, so I'm not able to go out and work full time or even part time. I have a car that is ready to go out any moment now. It's 20 years old and yeah it's literally running on it's last legs. I homeschool both of the kids because the school system where we live isn't the best. (It's actually one of the worst in the state.) So most of our days (to save money) are spent at home.
I bet you're wondering why am I complaining? You have it better than most women right now! You get to stay home with your kids, you don't have to worry about how to pay bills, you are living the dream ! Right?! Yeah I bet you're thinking that I'm so ungrateful and that I need to just be quiet and be thankful for the blessings. I should be, I should be thankful. I should be actually bragging that I don't have to work for a living. Unfortunately, that's not the case here... I WANT TO WORK!
Sitting at home was never in the cards for me. I wasn't even thinking of that as being a possibility. Life for me was supposed to be a lot different. I was supposed to be a tv or radio producer. I was also supposed to have my own photo studio. I was supposed to double major in broadcasting/photography to make these things happen. I was supposed to get married and have 2 kids and live in a nice house or condo. I was supposed to drive an SUV and have the ultimate dream. <----THIS IS WHAT MY LIFE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE!!!!
Instead, life didn't go that way. Yes I went to college, but thanks to some goofing off, I lost my grant money and ended up dropping out my sophomore year. I never went back to that school. I went to work full time and thought okay, I'll work and then go to school later. That never happened. Doing just work wasn't cutting it for me. I wanted to date. So during this time I started experimenting with online dating. I met a few nice guys and dated a few of them on a serious level. When those relationships didn't work out, I went back to the online scene. I met a guy whom I wasn't too interested in, but he was definitely interested in me. In fact after we talked on the phone just one time, he kept calling and texting me...EVERYDAY. No he wasn't stalking me or anything. He would call, or text and I might answer, I might not. This went on for 6 months. He lived in another state, so I wasn't too worried about him and wasn't concerned if anything would ever happen.
One night I was upset. I had been told by a guy that I was into that he no longer wanted to be involved with me. I was a wreck because I truly liked and loved him. (Real talk I really did. ) So while I was feeling sorry for myself, my long distance guy (we'll call him Mike to protect his privacy) calls. I was lonely so I answered the phone. Mike asks me if I was going to be home that weekend. He was doing a training camp in the next state over but wanted to come and visit me during his off time. I said sure that wouldn't be a problem. I had just moved into a new apartment the weekend before, so it was okay. I started to feel a little bit better because yeah, I wanted to get over my ex (we'll call him Scott). So I started getting ready for when Mike would come and visit me.
Mike shows up to visit me and we hit it off great. We talk, we laugh and we pretty much have a great time. If you're wondering what else happened, yes we hooked up. It was actually pretty amazing for me at the time too because it was a great distraction on what was bothering me. In fact during that time I thought that I clearly misjudged him. We hit it off so well. We were calling and texting everyday it was great....or so I thought. That is until a month later when I realize that I'm late. I take a pregnancy test and realize that I am pregnant. I let Mike know what is going on...and his reaction...not what I expected....
He was HAPPY! He was actually counting down the days until he could be with me again. We were going to raise our family and live happily ever after. Everything was going to be fine.
Everything was going to be fine....so I thought....
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